Dear Climate Change "Skeptics":
It's about time we came clean to you. You've been right all along - we (the scientists, scholars, and crazy Al Gore worshippers) made it all up, and for no other reason than to exert our totalitarian-like power over you. Your paranoia, your doubts, your transformation of a scientifically substantiated explanation into a political debate - all COMPLETELY justified.
How silly it was of us to believe you'd actually fall for it. One way or another, you were so amply endowed with keen logic and reasoning skills and we therefore should have known better. When we said the earth's temperature was slowly and slightly increasing, you looked out your window in January and saw snow. You had the acuity to realize that if our theory were true, you'd be able to hike Everest in shorts and a t-shirt. And you probably know this, but when we said that the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change was comprised of hundreds of scientists from around the world, we really gathered a bunch of people to make shit up and publish it.
Perhaps it is presumptuous of us to draft a letter to you because, after all, you never took us seriously in the first place. But we still feel you are deserving of an apology and an explanation. Our intentions were somewhat innocent: we thought it would be fun to see if you'd actually change your habits, maybe by driving less and conserving more. Admittedly, however, it was wrong of us and we'll never do it again.
Sincerely,
Copernicus, Kepler, Newton, Galileo, Friedmann, and Lemaitre
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Mr. Buttars was wondering if you would like to serve on his newly created committee...the committee to apologize to people for undue stress about the environment. He is trying to get the federal government to issue checks to everyone that has been stressed out about this.
Jake, Have you looked outside lately? It was SNOWING today. More like Global Colding.
Post a Comment