1. When your teacher gives the class an assignment, ask her, "Do I have to do this?" She will most likely say, "No, you don't have to." Go ahead and ignore the assignment.
2. Don't whisper swear words to your friends. The teacher will inevitably find out and threaten to wash your mouth out with soap.
3. When the talent show comes, don't pretend like you do karate. The other kids will probably realize you're lying when they see that your black belt (which isn't even tied right) looks as if your mom took a white belt and dyed it. They will definitely realize it's fake when your turn comes to perform your talent and you have no idea what you're doing.
4. There is more than one way to think about Green Eggs and Ham. While you may believe that both the eggs and the ham are green, it's quite possible that only the eggs are green. After all, it's not "Green Eggs and Green Ham", right?
5. Don't believe the girl who says she got braces. Really she's just pressing her gum on the roof of her mouth. Just because you don't know what braces are yet doesn't mean you have to accept every claim your classmates make about them.
6. When your girlfriend...I mean boyfriend...let me start over. When your temporary childhood partner doesn't show up for class, it doesn't mean she/he doesn't like you anymore.
7. Fire drills are not real fires. They are just practice in case something like a fire happens. There's really no need to panic/cry.
8. Your teacher's name is Mrs. Miller.
I hope this is helpful. Good luck, knock 'em dead, break a leg, and do some other violent things that for some reason signify success.
1 comment:
You always have the best advice, Jake. I will write all that down on the front of my notebook in between the many hearts I have doodled with your name in the middle.
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